March 17, 2013

that one missionary.

so this post has been one i have been dreading for quite sometime. yet i feel as if i owe it to some of you. especially to the followers who have followed from day one. so as many of you know, i had a special boy in my life, who was called to serve in chile for a two year mission. i not once ever said i was waiting for him, but that i would love to see where things took us after those two years.

well he left almost ten months ago, & i was heart broken. i wrote/emailed him constantly. hearing from him was the happiest time of my weeks, by far. until one day. 

one day,

him & i started talking about slowing down the writing in order to dedicate himself 100% to the Lord. all though the thought of that was hard, i was completely fine with that. he needs to do whats best. but that "slowing down of writing" changed into something else.

later on, i learned of choices he made, & things he said that ended up hurting me. it is hard to talk about, & i have yet to tell someone every single detail. i am not the type of person to keep in my feelings, but this was different. no one really knows. 

i loved that boy, with my whole entire heart. regardless of how things have played out, i am so happy for him. i know he is being the best missionary possible. i think about him constantly, & miss the times we shared. 

as of right now, we do not write. but that is honestly a blessing in disguise. it allows him to focus, & it helps me realize who i am, & helps me move on. this has been probably the biggest reason why i kind of dropped of the blogging earth. i was scared no one would care anymore because i didn't have stories to share about a boy, but then i learned, thats not why i blog. i blog because it's somewhere to tell my feelings, and we can meet so many amazing people through this. 


the road for me has not been anything close to easy. it has almost been the exact opposite. but you know what... it was never meant to be easy, it was just going to be worth it. 
i love the person who i am becoming, & i love my father in heaven, & savior jesus christ.
i know they have a plan for me, & i trust them. 


  1. I know how you feel! But it gets better, I promise! :)

    p.s. even if you don't write about boy stories.. I'll still read your cute blog. :) It keeps me smiling, knowing that your posts are REAL and not dolled up to be something that they're (you're_ not. (if that makes any sense)

  2. almost the same thing happened to me, but before his mission. he was my first love. and we decided to slow things down so he could focus on the mission. which i completely agreed with. but he took it too far, and stopped talking to me all together and it shattered me. you are much stronger than i was. you are amazing. keep your chin up.

  3. Missions are hard for everyone! It will all work out though

  4. It'll all work out Syd! Be strong and yeah it's totally a blessing in disguise!! I promise!

  5. you are such an inspirational girl, sydney.
    i've been reading your blog for a while now,
    and i hope you always remember to write, because,
    you're good at it and your stories are beautiful.
    thankyou for being you.