August 12, 2012

stuck in nothing.

here is my apology. i think i have led some of you to believe wrong theories. i am never very blunt with these posts, & i'm sorry. there are so many details, that have not been written on this page.
i am not waiting for taylor. but that does not mean in any way i'm going to be the typical teenage mormon bride. i do not sit in my room on weekends, dreaming of him, & excluding myself from the real world. he & i decided that for these two years, i need to date. & date lots. i have only ever known what dating one person is like, i need to grow & see what is out there. when taylor comes home i'll be a sophomore in college. there is no way, i'll be married by then. (don't let me) so with him being gone, i'm not waiting for him. but i'm patiently waiting to see that face of his again.
so when people ask if i have a missionary...i don't know how to respond. 

with that being said. 
dating others? i don't know what to do. i want to be able to move on & do as taylor asked. i have chances here & there but i'm scared. no one ever seems to be "taylor". yes he has only been gone for a short amount of time, & i KNOW with time, things will get easier. i just feel stuck in nothing. i want my boy here. but then again, i really don't. he's doing the Lords work, & that's all i ask. i'm scared to even think about posting about another boy on my blog...what will you guys think? what will i think? it feels so weird. but i guess if that happens anytime soon, accept it. 

i heard a song once & it said "the only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again."
do you know what it's like waking up with a broken heart every day, & crying almost everyday on your way to school? i'm proud of him. &  miss him with every being in my body. 


  1. This is honestly the best thing i have ever read. My boy leaves much too soon and this is exactly how i feel about it all.
    Stay strong girl. The lord has an incredible and beautiful plan for you.

  2. Oh Sydney! You shouldn't of began this post with a "here is my apology" because this should be anything but an apology. Your loyal readers are like your loyal friends, and if another guy happens to find his way on your blog, we will be here for you every step of the way! :)

    Taylor must love you a lot to let you branch out like this. I think dating other guys is a good idea, and really it might just show you that you have the perfect guy already. If it does, you know it's meant to be! Love you girl and I really hope your heart mends itself soon. I know this must be tough!

  3. It's such a hard struggle which I can not even beging to imagine. My bf moved to California, and I live in Rhode Island, and that is the hardest thing to date. We are committed but we both have said if antyhing came up we wouldn't mind if the other moved on. It's so hard, but I talk to hi every day and I have gone on dates, but he's in your head the whole time. God has a path for you, and it will all make sense one day

  4. Call Your Girlfriend by Robyn.
    I definitely have related that line to my life as well. One of my close friends went through this. I can't say myself that I have had to send a missionary off, but I can say I have had to "let go" of a loved one.
    The only advice I have for you, & it's the same thing I told my friend, is:
    "everything happens for a reason. Just have fun while he is gone & make yourself happy. If you're still around when he comes back, then wonderful! If not, then wonderful! No more worrying, just do what makes you happy, & what you're comfortable with."
    You don't need to go out & date right this second. Take time away from that scene, if you need. No one is going to judge you for it. You can start dating when you're comfortable with it. Not when people say you should be.
    I know I don't know you well, nor can completely relate, but I think we both know that the Lord knows what he's doing & everything will fall into place as planned. He will make up for all of the heartache with wonderful blessings. Just continue being the wonderful daughter of God that you are & everything will work out for your benefit :) Keep your head up.

  5. As someone who waited for her husband, I definitely think you should date other guys just to get the experience ;) I didn't really date much at all while Andrew was gone, but now I wish I had just so I would've had the fun times ;)

    When people ask you abput if you have a mish, I'd still say yes but as a friend. It does get easier not to think about them all the time, and if you never find that guy that's better than Taylor, at least you know you can still date him when he gets home!

    Good luck!!

  6. oh baby girl. my dearest syd.

    2 years is a long time, and it is wonderful that you and taylor have made the decision that you are going to date other people.

    yes, you are a friend supporting a missionary. the whole "i have a missionary" term is taken way too seriously, i feel. so the question is asked... "do you have a missionary?" .... "i'm writing and supporting one. he's not mine, he's the lords." BOOM. thats all they need to know.

    syd, if another boy comes along and gives you butterflies, it's okay to write about it. in fact, it might be wonderful therapy for you. sweet girl, you need to write whatever your heart desires. some boy may end up a huge part of your life, and it is completely okay for that to happen...and you shouldn't feel the need to hide it. the lord has a plan for you, and you'll be here when taylor gets back if it is necessary in your plan.

    live your life and be yourself. we love you for who you are :) and i love you a whole stinkin' lot.

  7. Sydney! I dont know why the heck i havent been reading your blog!! we have been insta friends for awhile now.. and i am assuming you found my blog through MG's? i dont know maybe not. But i would seriously LOVE to talk to you about this. I had quite the experience with my missionary, and i definitely learned some things. I didn't end up marrying him but i waited and dated all while he was gone.. we dated when he got home and BAM!.... here i am married to a boy i dated while the missionary was gone. Crazy right....? i need to do a blog post about this! hahah me for real. and freak. add me on fb!!!!!! let's be friends!