here is my apology. i think i have led some of you to believe wrong theories. i am never very blunt with these posts, & i'm sorry. there are so many details, that have not been written on this page.
i am not waiting for taylor. but that does not mean in any way i'm going to be the typical teenage mormon bride. i do not sit in my room on weekends, dreaming of him, & excluding myself from the real world. he & i decided that for these two years, i need to date. & date lots. i have only ever known what dating one person is like, i need to grow & see what is out there. when taylor comes home i'll be a sophomore in college. there is no way, i'll be married by then. (don't let me) so with him being gone, i'm not waiting for him. but i'm patiently waiting to see that face of his again.
so when people ask if i have a missionary...i don't know how to respond.
with that being said.
dating others? i don't know what to do. i want to be able to move on & do as taylor asked. i have chances here & there but i'm scared. no one ever seems to be "taylor". yes he has only been gone for a short amount of time, & i KNOW with time, things will get easier. i just feel stuck in nothing. i want my boy here. but then again, i really don't. he's doing the Lords work, & that's all i ask. i'm scared to even think about posting about another boy on my blog...what will you guys think? what will i think? it feels so weird. but i guess if that happens anytime soon, accept it.
i heard a song once & it said "the only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again."
do you know what it's like waking up with a broken heart every day, & crying almost everyday on your way to school? i'm proud of him. & miss him with every being in my body.