June 11, 2012

one week & i'm already breaking.

i have one more week with taylor heyman, before he becomes elder heyman. one more week. are you kidding? am i the only one who feels like 50 days was just yesterday? i'm going to be honest. i'm so scared. i'm scared to my reaction of him leaving. who will call & wish me goodnight? who will text me all day every day? who will sing & play silly songs for me? who will tell me they love me & kiss my forehead?  WHO. this will be one of the hardest things i've ever done...if not the hardest. two years is a long time. yet besides all that, i'm so proud of him for doing this. as much as it hurts to have him leave, i wouldn't want it any other way. the lord & the people in chile need him, so much more than i do. people are just waiting for him to share the truth. there will be many, many, MANY tears & depressing blog posts, but i'm excited to learn & grow from this. his testimony will be growing immensely, so i need to do the same. i'm trying to find the strength to do this, & i know i can trust in the lord. my best friend leaves in 9 days. my heart is breaking. 

{except i literally only have exactly one week left with him, because i'm going to girls camp on monday. he leaves wednesday}



  1. sending him off will be one of the hardest things you have ever done, trust me. But if you guys are meant to be together, the only thing it will do is strength your relationship. God knows exactly what He is doing and His plan for both of you is perfect. Stay strong in the gospel and make sure he is doing everything he can to stay focused. It will be hard, but a mission is what God needs him to do right now :)

    Smile lots. It helps.
    For a few days it is ok to curl up in sweats, eat some ice cream, watch a sappy love movie and cry whenever the urge hits, but then turn around and do everything you can to make yourself a better person, just like he is doing. Serve others, go to church, pray daily, hit up the temple, pray some more. It will help you both I swear

  2. girl. first off you gotta know how much I adore reading your blog and seeing all these posts of you and your boy. I know it'll be hard for you but it really is the right place for him. My brother didn't go on a mission, because of a girl, and it was really really really hard on my family. really hard. more so on my sweet mother. He would have been home for a year now and they JUST getting married now. In like a week to be exact. It will bless both of your lives. More so than you can even imagine! Hang in there sweet girl. Just know we all love you and are hear for you!! (:

  3. I will tell you the truth. Sorry if it's harsh. But read it through, ok cutie? You will cry. Lots. And there will be days where it will literally feel like something is crushing your soul... BUUUUT then one day you won't cry. Or it will get more sporadic, and not because you won't miss him but because, life works that way --tricky bugger. I was at exactly the same point as you when my missionary left and we had been dating for two years, he was the only boyfriend I had ever had, my first kiss, my everything and I won't lie to ya, for the first 5 weeks at least, I did just watch "the other side of heaven," look up the Denver Colorado south mission and cry, but then after those 5 weeks, I realized that I was about to embark on an AWESOME journey too! I was at the door of my senior year AND my freshman year of college, and heavenly father knew I was going to enjoy every second of it. As much as I loved my missionary, I was so excited to get to know me. Because i always knew I had him, I never had really had to figure things out on my own. It has now been three years (literally, two days ago) since my missionary left on his mission, and looking back I wouldn't trade a single darn thing. I know his mission was one of the most amazing experiences for him, but I might argue that his mission was one of the most amazing experiences for me. I am a completely different person from who I was when he left (in a good way, promise) you will find strength you didn't even know you had, you will laugh at new things, you will learn of the world and of your fatherin heaven in ways that you haven't been

  4. (oh gosh, it didn't let me finish) ...ways you haven't been (not by your own choice) not in good, or bad ways, just in different ways. I am so excited for you (I'm sorry if that sounds mean) but I mean in the way where I'm so so excited for that feeling where you will be so pumped for him to get to know you again, cause baby girl the world is at your feet too, and when he gets back, it will be all the sweeter :)

  5. And come to salt lake when you can :) I'll distract ya! Surround yourself with friends, it will all be ok.

  6. Go listen to "The Days Ahead" by The Scene Aesthetic. It will probably become you theme song. Oh by the way, it's Calea Bagley approved. Check it out. I promise, it will help.

  7. my missionary has been out for 2 months. its still weird that he isn't here to hold my hand, or to listen to my rants about anything and everything. its hard, and some days are better than others. you'll be so unbelievably happy one day, and crying the next. but, you'll still be breathing. take it one day at a time. talk it out, write it out, whatever. don't bottle it up, and don't forget. remember what you two have and hold on to it. atleast, thats what i'm trying to do.

    there is no manuel on how to handle this. you have to figure out it a day at a time. but it will be worth it. it already is for me, and like i said, my missionary has only been gone 2 months.

    hang it there.

  8. Oh girly I know exactly how you are feeling. I have been there. Please e-mail me (and don't hesitate or feel weird) if you are ever needing anyone to talk to. I found myself surprisingly comforted when people could relate to me as well as talk to me about what I was dealing with. Having a missionary is very hard. But stay strong. The lord is on your side--and you can definitely get through this. I promise!

    Don't go hesitatin, alright now?

    ♥ xoxo.

  9. Awe girl I couldn't even imagine having to go through that. I am so sorry, surround yourself with God, friends, and family, and going through this will make you stronger!