May 19, 2012

coming across.

when i come upon the twitter account, instagram, facebook, BLOG, pinterest, or any other type of accounts my heart sinks. the feeling in the pit of my stomach ties up & up in knots. i don't know why i look. i don't know why i do it to myself. i know what's coming every time, yet i still do it. there's nothing i can do. i'm this girl in arizona, who has no control. at times i have felt like i won,  but then something brings me back again. life's coming so fast, and time is running out. sometimes i wish certain people were puppets, & i could control every move of theirs. in this case, i'd take the puppet out of the show. pain has been known to be weakness leaving the body. i think i clearly have so much weakness, because that pain wont stop. i over think, & worry myself for no reason. i know it'll work in the end, & worries will go away. i just need to breathe, & focus on myself.

i'm out on the edge, & i'm screaming my name like a fool at the top of my lungs. sometimes when i close my eyes, i pretend i'm alright but it's never enough. 

one of those nights i had to let the tears out through writing.


  1. come to utah. do it now. we can snuggle and play with my new puppy.

    1. i really think that's the best idea i have ever heard. your puppy is adorable.

  2. Hun, stop worrying! You are wayyyyyy too young to be worrying about anything! Live your life the way you want to and get whatever you need to get out of your life out because you deserve a happy, easy life!

  3. is that you in that picture?

  4. I love you, and I agree with Whitney, come to Utah.

    And if it makes you feel any better, I know just how you feel. Sometimes, we just hurt. And hurt, and hurt, and right when we think it's impossible to hurt anymore, we experience the worst pain of all. But you know what? The pain does stop. It will end. And you know what else? It's always darkest before the dawn.

  5. ditto calea's comment.

    now i can't stop the tears. it sucks feeling so alone, so lost, so vulnerable to something as simple as facebook and twitter and other peoples eyes, its stupid. to people like you, and i, and all the other girls struggling with the same kind of things...its a big thing. and it hurts. it cuts our very being open and completely tears everything apart - especially the heart. how do we stop it? i wish i truly knew. the only answer i've gotten so far is time...just give it time.