March 21, 2012

in a perfect world.

in a perfect world there would be no heart ache.
right now i'm going to pretend no one reads this & i'm just going to write.

I shouldn't have to do this. I shouldn't have to make decisions like this. why can't I be a normal teenage girl? i'm far from normal. I tend to rap myself into situations I can't even handle. I really hope one day I'll look back at my trials, & smile. smile because they really turned out the way they were supposed too. smile, because they turned out to be nothing. smile, because it'll all be worth it in the end. I feel like i'm a girl with her own plans & dreams walking through the world. alone. the only person i've learned I can truly rely on is my father in heaven. the only person I can truly put my trust in is my father in heaven. he wont hurt me, take advantage of me, lie, or leave randomly. he wants the best for me. he loves me more than anyone. it seems like he has been taking my plans into perspective & changing them a bit. from where i'm standing in life I know it's not going to always be the way I planned. right now I feel like i'm heading for a crashed landing. I don't know where i'm going, how to deal with this, or how to overcome. I don't want to feel this way. the boy kills me. I know i'm hard to handle. but don't forget. don't forget you love me. I wish more than anything I wasn't so fragile & had so many feelings. I break to easily. if only you could see what I see. I bet you'll be fine. as for me, i'll be pushing through. come what may & love it.

sorry that this post is so...dramatic. 
I just needed to let it out.

these are the songs that tear me down, & build me up for the day.
LISTEN TO THIS ONE BELOW. it's seriously the best.

listen & cry. that's what I did. 


  1. I wish you lived in Utah. I am in need a girls night. And I think you might be too. haha

    1. Whitney. I feel like we're already best fiends. I wish we could have a girls night. It is extremely needed! :)