November 1, 2011

Ugh, Well...


Here's what happened. Taylor and I have been thinking for awhile if our relationship is really the "right" time. He's in college, I'm in high school. He's leaving for a mission, I'm staying home. He's in Utah, I'm in Arizona. One night I told Tay to pray about what we should do, & that I would do the same. For awhile neither of us brought it up, cause it's not exactly what we want. This has been going on for a month now. Saturday night, I cracked. I ended things then regretted seconds later. We both knew there wasn't turning back because this is the right thing to do. In all honesty it's NOT what I want (at all), but if it's what is supposed to happen, then I need to trust in the Lord. The past few days have been...lets just say tough. I cry on the way to school, during school, on the way home from school, at work, in bed, & every where else. I feel like a baby. I'm just scared. Scared of losing the one I love. I do want whats best for that punk, even if he does make me scream, cry, & yell. He's been by my side through the ups & downs for the past three years. I have never felt so comfortable with a human being in my life. I tell him all my secrets. He laughs at my jokes (sometimes). He sings me songs. and so much more. So, if what's best for him isn't me...it hurts to say it, but so be it. Girls probably know that feeling where you're never hungry, feel sick, cry constantly, think so in depth, don't want to talk to anyone, shun music from you're life (those sappy love songs kill) you stare at your phone wondering if he'll call, you wonder if things will ever be the same between you two, or what girls are all over him right this second? It's called heartbreak. The dictionary says the definition of heartbreak is: OVERWHELMING DISTRESS. I have no other choice but to be strong in this situation, and rely on the Lord. As for Taylor & I were really...awkward. I just want the day to come where were happy again. & I actually get to see him. (22 days) Usually break ups end with "I hate him", "How could he do that?", "What does she have that I don't?" or even "What a player". Not in this situation. My relationship isn't ending...it's just taking a few steps back. Stepping back in those steps is unbelievably hard. I feel alone, because Tay's not with me anymore, but I KNOW my Father in Heaven is right there with me, helping me down. I only want this to make me a better person & I PRAY Taylor & I can always, always stay SO close & nothing will ruin us. I miss him.

2 comments:

  1. I'm very sorry to read your very sad story. But honestly you are right you have the Lord to rely on. Relationships are never easy...Long distance relationships are even harder. But really enjoy life and keep smiling girl. I'm sure a lot of us girls could say we know how you feel. I know we don't know each other but I have been there too. Things will get better...when things get hard get on your knees and pray. Just keep smiling!!

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  2. i went thru the exact same thing with a boy in my senior year of high school. you'll pull thru it. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. the fact that you turned to the Lord for support in knowing what to do says it all - He always takes care of us.

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