November 30, 2011

once upon a time...

I guess now is the time to tell my story. Before I came to write this post I cooked up some good ol raumen noodles, put on some sweats, & pulled back the hair. This will be a long one.

Like I said, Mr.Heyman was in town for about a week. The evening before he arrived I had millions of thoughts running through my head. I sat in bed contemplating every situation we could of been in. I was nervous, yet more excited to see him. 

Once the time came, I looked at him & felt at ease. He seemed to be the same boy I had fallen in love with. Seeing his smile made the worries go away. I hugged him as if it was the last time I would ever be able to hug him again. The first words I said to him were "I missed you". I don't know if you know what a long distance relationship feels like but it's hard. Now that Taylor & I broke up we didn't really have any idea on where our relationship stood until he come down. We never had any closure.

We both decided to make the week we had a good week together. 
Day 1: He throws rocks at my window, & surprised me with chocolate teddy bears.
Day 2: Went out to lunch & a movie. 
Day 3: Played an intense game of soccer (i creamed him) & went to breakfast.
Day 4: Went to a park, sat on a bench, let everything go, & cuddled afterwards.
Day 5: Went out to eat, ran through sprinklers, took a walk over a bridge, looked at a waterfall, ran up winding stairs, & laughed. (the best night we had, i'll post pictures later)

When we went to the park and "let everything go" we sat down and had a relationship talk. Before Tay even came down I wrote him a letter. You could call it a goodbye letter, per se. This was the last paragraph in the letter, & it basically sums everything up. "There's not a day that will go by where I won't think of you or feel grateful for things you have done for me. Going through life I'll always remember you. I have never been so close to anyone in my life before. Thank you for showing me what love is and what it feels like, I'll never forget you Taylor." Before he came down I was having the hardest time adjusting to the changes. It hurt, & I didn't want to let go. I then realized I wasn't letting go. I was still holding onto the moments, & fighting for what we had. It wasn't the time to be doing that. That's why I came up with the letter. As I read the letter to him, his hand was holding mine, tears streamed down my face, & I shivered from the cold. I told him things are ending and we're both moving on. He still has those special two years to serve with the Lord, & he needs to be completely focused. 

It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. 

None of me wants this, but I know it's the right thing to do, for him & i.
Saying goodbyes isn't easy. Especially if it's one of the last ones for awhile. 
My heart is torn, & I will now forever fear heartbreak. 
I'm letting go.
I love you.

6 comments:

  1. ouch! my heart hurts for you lady! that's a hard thing to do! i'm proud of you for letting him be completely focused for wonderful two years. i'm 100% certain that you both will be incredibly blessed! trust in the lord, he knows what's right for each of you. everything will always work out in the LORD'S time...that's probably the hardest thing to remember :) stay strong lady! :)

    p.s. ben & jerrys always helps ease the heartbreak! :)

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  2. ouch! my heart hurts for you lady! that's a hard thing to do! i'm proud of you for letting him be completely focused for wonderful two years. i'm 100% certain that you both will be incredibly blessed! trust in the lord, he knows what's right for each of you. everything will always work out in the LORD'S time...that's probably the hardest thing to remember :) stay strong lady! :)

    p.s. ben & jerrys always helps ease the heartbreak! :)

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  3. ^^agreed! plus a visit to see your cousin and the rain might help too!:) we can eat as much ben and jerrys as you'd like! if you want to chat... im all ears!:) i love you!

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  4. Oh my gosh. I almost just cried, no lies. I'm so proud of you, Syd.

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  5. Thank you everyone! You better believe I have already gone through 3 ben & jerrys. Lex you were right, it helped:) I love you all, and thank you for all your sweet words. It makes my days get better & better.

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  6. Hi, love your blog. You are a great writer. So sorry to hear about this break up. But it sounds like you guys are on good terms which is better hating each other like you mentioned before. Just let him serve his mission and if you two are right for each other things will work out. He sounds like a good guy who might be worth waiting for. :)
    feel better!
    Whitney

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